Avenger's rules
by dee.bowmer
Summary: Some one "Pepper" decided that the Avengers needed some rules.
1. Chapter 1

Title; Avengers Rules.

By. D. A. Bowmer

Some one {Pepper} decided to write up a list of rules for every one living in the Avenger's Tower. Others for various resins added their own rules as well.

1\. Food fights are no longer allowed. It took the cleaning crew four days to clean up after the last one.

2\. Steve is no longer to post nude drawings of the Avengers on line. Tony is not to buy a art gallery to display said drawings.

3\. Every one is to stay out of Bruce's 'special candy' that Tony has shipped in from Colorado.

4\. The Iron Man suit does not need a new paint job.

Clint got a wild hair and decided to repaint the Iron Man suit, hot pink and purple. Tony was not too happy about that.

5\. Steve is no longer allowed to answer the question of him being a real blonde by dropping his pants.

A pushy female reporter kept hounding Steve as to weather or not he was a real blonde so Steve got to his feet and dropped his pants right in front of her.

6\. Water wars are no longer allowed to be played in side the tower.

The last time it took days for the tower to dry out properly , but some rooms still smelled a little musty.

7\. Bucky, Natasha, and Clint are no longer allowed to watch any of the Saw movies or Hostel. They are taking notes, and it's scaring Sam.

5\. Natasha , Clint and Bucky are no longer allowed to answer the door with drawn weapons. We're running out of places willing to deliver to us.

6\. Steve and Bucky are to stop grabbing Colson for the filling in a super soldier sandwich. The man didn't even have time to say hi before you horn dogs dragged him off for three days.

7\. Bucky is to stop referring to Steve as his Bitch in interviews.

8\. Clint is no longer allowed to eat Spagetti-Os while drinking. The result while colorful, smells to high heaven.

9\. Stop duct taping Darcy Lewis to things around the tower.

10\. Nude sun bathing is no longer allowed. I don't care if you only do it on the roof. Planes and choppers, people, planes and choppers.

11\. Bruce, Tony, and FitzSimons are no longer to be together alone any more.

12\. Yo-Yo wars, really people.

13\. Get rid of the Hydra themed Voodoo dolls. It's creeping the rest of us out.

14\. Stop hiding Sky's shoes when ever she visits. Colson is not going to let you keep her.

15\. No Steve, you and Bucky can not adopt Sky. Coulson all ready did.

16\. "**I never, ever**." with shots is no longer to be played. Is there any thing you people have **NOT** done?

17\. Beer pong is not to be played. Clint, Natasha, Bucky and Mae never miss. And Steve can't get drunk.

18\. You are no longer to poach new Avengers from the fallowing.

**The FBI's BAU**. I don't care is Rossi is a damn fine cook.

**The Jeffersonian**. Some of these people have kids.

**Scorpion**. Page all ready has her hands full enough with out having to have her ride herd on you assholes as well.

**The SGC**. We want Landry to like us or he will stop sharing his cool toys with us.

**NCIS**, unless you can get Gibbs, then get Gibbs.

19\. What ever you do , never, never fist-bump the Hulk.

20\. The Avengers do not have a theme song, and if they did it would not be any of the following.

**"Put on your war paint."**

**"It's a great day to kick some bodies ass."**

**"Bruises and bite marks."**

**"Bad reputation."**

**"Dirty deeds done dirt cheap."**

**"Die mother fucker die."**

**"Let the bodies hit the floor."**

21\. Stop switching the coffee to decaf for a month then to espresso. We want to keep the planet in one peace people.

22\. Keep all refrigerator magnets away from Bucky's arm.

23\. Bucky is no longer allowed to watch Torchwood. He's starting to act like Capt. Jack Harness.

24\. Mission reports are to be readable, not written backwards, in Elvish, Klingon, or Runes. "We came , we saw , we kicked their asses." Is not a full report. I all so do not need to every time some one had to go pee or farted.

25\. I understand that you all get worked up during a fight, but dragging each other off for a quickie wile still in public is a no. Keep it in your pants till you get back to the tower people.

26\. Burping contests are no longer allowed.

27\. Tony Stark is to stop trying to build a working TARDIS. A working sonic screwdriver is fine.

28\. If something makes any of you giggle for longer that 20 seconds there is a good chance that you will not be allowed to do it. If something makes Tony, Sky, Bucky or Clint giggle at all, call for back up.

29\. Clint, Natasha and Bucky are not allowed to lend their likenesses to the next Assassins Creed game.


	2. Chapter 2

30\. Bucky is no longer allowed to drive any of Tony's cars. Come on Bucky you don't even have a driver's license any more.

31\. Clint stop offering visiting Senators, Diplomats, etc. lap dances. It's not going to make them like us any more and it really pissed off the rest of us when they say yes.

32\. Bucky is not allowed to drive or fly any thing , ever. We can not keep bailing your ass out of jail for reckless driving all the time. Drag racing on the interstate back wards? Really? I don't care if it was Trip's idea.

33\. Stop quoting Southpark people.

34\. Natasha, Sky and Jemma are to stop suggestively licking and sucking on pop sickles then biting them wile the men are watching.

35\. Bucky the next time a interviewer asks you how you got use to using your cybernetic arm, don't tell her you had to practice on a hot dog first. Then offer to show her how good you got.

stop giving Bucky, Shy, and Clint any ideas. The ones they come up on their own are bad enough.

37\. Jarvis please stop saying "Hello Dave." first thing in the morning. At least wait till we have had our coffee first.

38\. No more than one piece of candy per day any more.

39\. Stop trying to teach Ralph to build weapons Tony. Page all ready has enough problems.

40\. Stop betting who is scarier when they get mad. Every one knows it's a toss up between Happy and Natasha.

41\. Sherlock is not allowed to visit unless Joan is riding heard on him. The rest of us are getting tired of keeping him and Tony from killing each other.

42\. Every one is to learn the words to 'Soft Kitty' it's the only thing we have found that will calm down the Hulk.

43\. None of the Avengers or members of S.H.I.E.L.D. are allowed to baby sit the Booth and Hogiens kids again.

44\. Steve, Clint, Darcy and Tony are to stop saying sic'em when ever some one annoys them to Bucky, Natasha, Thor and Pepper.

45\. Coulson and his team are to be left out of the sexual shenanigans that go on in the Tower. I mean it people. Quit pouting Sky, Cap's and Bucky's wigglers can defeat any spermicide known to man. You don't want to get knocked up by Cap or Bucky do you? Do you?

46.


End file.
